Let's Just Be Friends

The point system and I have parted ways.  It was a mutual decision. It was a perfectly good weight loss plan, and I'm an adult a person who is capable of losing the 7 pounds, but at this point in our lives, we're just not a good match.  We have different needs--I need immediate gratification, not the elusive promise of something at the end of the month.  And really, it deserves a grown-up who will recognize it's true potential.  So we decided to call it quits.  We promised we'd still be friends, though.

I haven't entirely given up, though.  In fact, I'm trying out a new plan; one that I think will be a better fit.  This one doesn't get hung up on my relapses, and just focuses on the positive.  Plus, it acknowledges my 8 year-old mind.  I get a sticker every time I run, and I get a sticker every day I don't eat any kind of fast food (Wendy's salads do count, even though there are veggies included; a big plate of nachos counts as fast food, a single small plate does not).  Stickers can be redeemed at any time for guilt-free fun, but if I can possibly wait til the end of the month, the options will be better.  Like the prizes at Chuck E. Cheese.  Sure, you can get 10 plastic spider rings right now, and wear one on each finger like a gangsta (I've had limited interactions with gangsti, but I'm sure they do this).  OR you can wait until Mom tells you you're about to leave, and get a troll doll to put on top of your pencil, ensuring that you will become the most popular kid in school (this last part is speculation--I imagine that's how the popular kids gained their status.  I always went for the spider rings).  Either way, I win!

According to the super-awesome stickers on my calendar, I've run 6 days in April so far.  I've also built up my stamina. so I'm now running/walking 4 miles instead of 3!  Go me!

Bring on the motherfuckin' spider rings!

A for Effort?

So, I finally came up with what I thought would be a good reward program for me.  My very own point system, tailored to me.  Every day that I go running, I would get a point.  Every day I eat fast food (or 2 giant plates of nachos), I would subtract a point.  However many points I have at the end of the month is how much money I can blow guilt-free as a reward for my efforts.  I figured this would allow wiggle room for when I HAD to have nachos, and wouldn't cost me a crazy amount of money (unless I started running every single day, and never, ever ate fast food.  Okay, I'm done laughing).


I'm currently at -5 points.

I even ran three days in a row!  But I got a salad at Wendy's yesterday because the leftovers I so diligently packed in my lunch apparently went bad.  I got Subway today because I was STARVING and knew the oatmeal I packed in my lunch wouldn't hold me until 5:00 p.m.  I got Dairy Queen the other night because Husband wanted some, and I went along for the ride, and after the long, arduous trip down the street, I really wanted something to show for it.  And just like that, all my running points from this weekend disappeared.  (Should the Wendy's salad count?  It is fast food, but it's a salad.)

Knowing that I have to run five more times just to break even isn't doing a whole lot to motivate me.  I feel like I failed before I even started.  Maybe I should only count the positive points the first month, just to encourage me to keep going.  It feels like cheating, but I don't know that I'll stay motivated otherwise.

Bleh. 

Hunger v. Laziness: An Update

Surprise!  I didn't waste away on the couch last night!  So, as you might have guessed, hunger eventually won.  It was an endurance battle of epic proportions, let me tell you.  I wish I could show you a montage of Obnoxious Laziness beating Hunger all night, only to have Hunger overcome in the end, but alas.  Imagine it as best you can...this will help.

Here's what might actually surprise you (it sure as hell surprised me).  I wound up going to the kitchen and making a fruit smoothie (yogurt, no ice cream) and an English muffin!  I'd like to say I made a conscious choice to be healthy, but frankly, getting in the car to pick up something sounded too intense.

Unfortunately, I can't end on that happy note.  Husband came home, and in true Neverland fashion, we made nachos.  Then we made more.  The night ended with both of us clutching our stomachs, oozing grease, and moaning about our Bad Life Choice.  What kills me is that there was a little voice warning me as we made the second plate, urgently whispering, "Bad idea!  Bad idea!"  However, I failed to hear it because my eight year-old mind was too busy screaming, "NACHOS!!!!  YAYYYYYYYY!!!!  BEST IDEA EVER!!!!!!"

Damn you, eight year-old mind. 

Day Whatever: Hunger v. Laziness

It's one of those ridiculously lazy days.  Not the relaxing kind of lazy with popcorn and a movie, the obnoxious kind you would be embarrassed to reveal to friends and family (but not apparently in a blog).  I came home from work, completely spent, dropped my bag at the door, and collapsed on the couch.  And now I'm laying here with the laptop, stubbornly refusing to move.

I haven't turned on the TV because I don't want to get up and get the remote, which is on the coffee table, three feet away from me.  Even to me, that's obnoxious.  If Husband were home, I'd ask him to do it (and he would, because he's awesome like that), but he works late on Thursdays, so the TV situation isn't changing any time soon.  (I'll watch something on Netflix via laptop.  Cause I'm a problem-solver like that.)

Unfortunately, I've hit a bigger obstacle than the TV.  I'm now hungry.

But I don't want to move.

But I'm hungry.

You see the conundrum.

It's my own personal Sophie's Choice...except, you know, instead of choosing between my children, I have to choose between being hungry or being lazy.  But otherwise, it's exactly the same.  EXACTLY.

I'm trying to bribe myself to get up and eat with promises of fast food, but laziness is rejecting it.  What about getting something delivered?  No--my cell phone is in my bag, which is still right by the door where I dropped it.  This is exactly why I can't lose these 7 horrible pounds...I throw these lazy/stubborn tantrums, and then I use fast food to try to get myself out of it, just to avoid wasting away on the couch.  I can see Husband coming home from work, only to find a skeleton, straight from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, collecting dust on the couch, and wondering how the heck someone can starve to death with a full refrigerator 10 feet away.  Pure laziness.  It's not easy, but apparently, it's my calling.

Day...um...13, maybe?: The Routine

I just got back from a 2 day conference in Cleveland, which went pretty well, except it disrupted The Routine.  In an effort to make 130 by 30, there are certain rituals that I perform in the morning (as long as I don't have to get up exceptionally early because, I mean, sleep trumps all).  Here's how it generally goes:

9:00 a.m.
Get up, turn off alarm.

9:05 a.m.
Feel embarrassed that I have to set an alarm to be up by 9:00

9:05-10:00 a.m.
Eat breakfast, dick around on facebook.  The size of this time slot is directly proportional to how interesting everyone's statuses are that particular day

10:00-10:30 a.m.
Try to put a dent in the dishes, while occasionally running back to my laptop to check stupid stuff, like "What's the name of that Coen brothers movie?  You know, the one with Tim Robbins?"
(A: The Hudsucker Proxy)

10:30-11:30 a.m.
Do a series of stretches, squats, and sit-ups while watching The Doctors and The Price is Right; contemplate why I prefer Drew Carey to Bob Barker

11:30 a.m.
Go running/walking if I feel motivated

This is The Routine, my ritual.  I've grown very accustomed to it.  I rely on it--to do it differently is like to watch Memento in the correct chronological order.  Its chaos is its beauty. 

But when I'm staying with my sister-in-law and her family in Cleveland for 2 days, I have to go with their routine, and a wrench gets thrown in the system.  My rebelling body and my eight year-old mind get confused.

"What are we doing?  Where are the status updates?"
"Why are we up so early?"
"Is this granola?  Why are we eating granola for breakfast?"
"That's not Drew Carey!  That's Dora!"
"No sit-ups?  Hooray!"
"Are we on vacation?"
"Will there be nachos?"

(The last question is inevitable, and will be asked in any social situation.)

So now I have to get back into The Routine, and that's done with great reluctance.  I did my exercises this morning (no running, though), and now I need to grocery shop for ingredients for Real Meals with Fruits and Vegetables.  Right now, we have ketchup and Teddy Grahams, and even in Neverland, that's not an acceptable meal.